Mark Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Jesus starts us out in this chapter with an ominous message telling everyone that there are some people who will not taste death until they've seen the kingdom of God "come with power". Freaky, right? So does that mean that some people in this group are going to live until Armagedon? Are they alive right now?

Well, JC just kind of leaves it at that. After six days he grabs his favorite Peter (formerly Simon), and the brother James and John (who seem to be his second favorites because they get almost as many mentions and they did get their last name changed). The four besties head up to a high mountain and Jesus changes right before their very eyes. His clothes became white as snow and Elias and Moses apear and have a little chat with our buddy JC.

Peter, being the bravest and the most vocal of the disciples says to Jesus: Thanks for letting us be hear to see this, it's great. Why don't we make each one of you holies a nice tent. I guess he didn't really know what to say because they were all pretty nervous and tents were the only thing he could think of.

Suddenly, a cloud appears overhead and a voice came down saying "This is my beloved Son: hear him." Whoa, Nelly! Voice of God? Talking to them? Crazy!!

No sooner had they hear this message than they were alone again with JC. The four buds head back down the mountain and Jesus warns them not to tell anyone about that little episode until he's risen from the dead. Now they were sufficiently scared so Pete and John and James manage to keep it to themselves, but they couldn't help asking each other what it meant to rise from the dead. Just like with the loaves of bread, the disciples don't have great associative skills. They have already seen Jesus bring someone back from eternal slumber, but whatever...

They turn back to Jesus and ask, how come the scribes always say that Elias has to come first?

Jesus says, yeah, that's true, they say he has to come and restore everything and that he has to suffer many things and be persecuted. But, what I'm saying is that his has come, and they have done just as they haved written, as it is foretold.

Apparently that satisfies them... not me. Is Jesus saying that he IS Elias? Or is he saying that he already came, saw and conquered, but nobody is making a big deal about it.

Anyway, he goes back with all his disciples to the multitudes and finds them chatting with those pesky scribes. One of the multitude says he has a son who can't speak, foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth, etc. The guys says he spoke with one of the disciples, but they weren't able to cast out the spirit.

Jesus, now apparently embracing his imminent demise says, "O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I suffer you?" Poor JC, I'd be sick of all these people constantly bugging me for healing too. But, he's a compassionate sort, so he has the guy bring the kid to him and asks how long he's been troubled. The father doesn't really answer but tells him of all the trouble it's caused and JC says he can help if the father beleives. Of course, the father throws himself to the ground and professes his belief and Jesus heals the kid, casting out that mean old spirit.

The disciples go home with him and ask, WTF, man? I thought we had the power to cast out spirits, what the heck happened? Jesus just shrugs and tells them that this type can only come out with prayer and fasting... uh, unless you're the son of god of course, then you can make him come out whenever. And, am I wrong here, or didn't we already learn about how we don't fast when old JC is around, only when he's gone. Huh, I must not have understood that properly. Good old gospels, always keeping it crystal clear for the faithful flocks.

Jesus and his comrades pass through Galilee and he makes sure no one knows about this because he's not quite ready to die yet. He tells them, that in this area people are looking to kill him and he will sometime be delivered to them and killed and then on the third day will rise. The disciples still don't understand the message, because they're a little dim, I guess, but they just nod along.

They get to Capernaum and find a nice place to stay, and JC notices that his friends are bickering a little bit. He asks what they're fighting about and they tell him they're trying to figure out who will be the leader. He gathers them around him and says whoever wants to be the leader, should be the servant of everyone. Jesus then finds a random child and puts him in the center of the group then takes him in his arms. He tells them that whoever receives a child in his name also receives him and by proxy God.

John the tattle tale tells Jesus that they saw some fellow casting out devils in Jesus name and the disciples forbid him to do it because he wouldn't follow them around. Jesus says that he should not have done that, because if someone is casting out devils then they are on their side. He says anyone who helps his followers is alright in his book and anyone who does not should have a stone hung around his neck and be thrown into the sea. Love that tolerance. Live and let live, right JC?

He goes on with a few more warning, if your hand offends, cut it off because it's better to enter heaven maimed than hell with two hands. He mentions that worms don't die in hell and the fire their is never quenched. Oh, poor worms, what did they ever do to deserve a firey eternity?

If your foot offends, same deal, and again the repition of the worms and the unending fire.

If your eye offends, same thing, and AGAIN worms and fire.

Now we get into the merits of salt. Everyone is going to be salted with fire, but every sacrifice will be salted with salt. In this modern day you might be confused about whether salt is good of bad. Jesus is very clear, "Salt [is] good; but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace on with another."

Apparently it's important that sacrifices be salted and salt in this case is some kind of metaphor that I'm missing, or JC is just a really big fan of sodium. I don't know what to say about this chapter. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. Of course, I've never liked Cats, so that's not saying much.