Mark Chapter 11

Mark Chapter 11

Night comes to Jerusalem, Bethphage, Bethany, and Mt. Olives and Jesus sends out two of his disciples. He tells them to go to the village and steal this one colt that no man has ever sat on. (Uh… isn’t there a commandment about not stealing?) Jesus tells his two disciples that if anyone asks about why they’re hijacking that there pony, they should respond that god has need of it. That should be sufficient. (Remind me to use that line the next time I see something in I’d rather not pay for.)

Off they trot into the night to steal the young horse when someone stops them and inquires about what they think they’re doing taking property that does not belong to them. They tell them just what JC said and sure enough those folks are like well go on then. So, they’re able to bring the little fellow back to Jesus and they put their clothes on the pony (aw… that must have looked cute) and JC takes a seat upon the valiant steed. Lots of other folks spread out their garments on the ground and others cut down some tree branches and put those on the ground.

All the people, those creating the clothes/tree covered path, and those following behind Jesus on his little colt all cried Hosanna! And pronounced the coming of JC. They blessed David’s kingdom, and cried out Hosanna in the highest. (According to Wikipedia, Hosanna means something akin to, we pray!)

Jesus and his whole procession (yipes this guy knows how to make an entrance) enter Jerusalem and took a look around the temple. Well, I don’t know if no one was there or what, but he doesn’t feel like hanging out, so he heads toward Bethany with his twelve buddies (apparently having left his masses in Jerusalem). The next day when they get there, “he was hungry”. (I put that in quotes, because it’s something I plan on quoting from the bible often… as it says in Mark, Chapter 1, Verse 12, He was hungry.”) They see a fig tree in the distance and dash over the grab some delicious figgies, but boo! The tree didn’t have any figs because it wasn’t the season.

Well, JC doesn’t like that one bit (you know how Jesus is when he doesn’t get his way) and he tells his followers, who did hear him (that’s emphasized), that no one should eat “fruit of thee” forever. I’m not sure if he means figs from that particular tree or figs all together.

I guess JC just mistimed that first procession because he heads right back to Jerusalem and right back to the temple. Ah, but now there are people buying and selling thing, and loaning money, and specifically people selling doves. Well, Jesus won’t have any of this so he casts them all out and overturns the tables of those horrible money lenders (without whom a middle class is impossible to achieve, but who needs middle class when you can have poverty!) He wouldn’t put up with anyone carrying any vessel through the temple (so in Catholic Church is he opposed to the vessel that carries the wine which is his blood and so forth… I guess he’s not up to that part yet).

He tells them that his house (wait, I thought it was God’s house and only god is good… I’m confused) is a house of prayer, but these fools have turned it into “a den of thieves”… says the horse thief himself. At least they were exchanging one thing for another.

The scribes and priests are super pissed… sheesh, I wonder why. They try to figure out a way to destroy him because all these mobs of people were believing what he was saying, and that was really threatening their way of life.

In the evening JC and his cronies leave the city and they pass by that fig tree that was not in season and would you believe, it had dried up from the roots! Peter reminds Jesus that this is the very same tree that he had cursed (because he was a huge baby and apparently doesn’t know when figs are in season). Jesus gets all high and mighty and says “Have faith in God.” So to recap, if we don’t give Jesus what he wants the second he wants it, even if it goes against nature to do it, we’ll be cursed and wither up and die. Nice. Loving this bible thing. Just loving it.

To further explain the message and perhaps refute the message I got out of it… Jesus says that whoever tells a mountain to move and cast itself into the sea will see this very feat accomplished if he believes in it and does not doubt. Oh that’s awesome too. So, it’s not just Jesus that can be whimsical and petty. If we want to random curse things that displease us we can too, so long as we believe! Nice! Well, call me converted… or um, not.

As he is wont to do, he repeats the message, whatever you desire you can have if you pray and believe.

Jesus’ mood gets a little lighter and he tells his friends that when they are praying they should forgive anyone who they might have something against, and this will cause god to forgive them. But, just in case you were feeling soft, if you don’t forgive people, god won’t forgive you. That’s really not the worse thing JC has said. I’m all about the forgiving aspects of his whole message.

They head back to temple and the scribes and priests and elders approach him (they’re probably been stewing for a while now) and they ask him who gave him the authority to do these things.

Jesus says he’ll answer them, if they answer him whether the baptism of John (presumably my honey dipped locust eating bud who is missing a head) was from heaven or men.

They guys aren’t idiots like his disciples, they know JC is riddling them into a trap. They know that if they say from heaven, he’ll ask why they didn’t believe him. If they say from men, then they’d have the people to deal with who all believe that he was a prophet.

They try to play it cool and tell him that they cannot tell. Jesus says, well fine, then I can’t tell you either.