John Chapter 8

John Chapter 8

JC goes to Mt. Olives. Early in the morning he went to temple with a big crowd to teach. The scribes and Pharisees brought him an adulterous woman and shoved her in front of him. They told him that they caught her in the act! (Yikes, scandalous!)

Moses law commanded that she should be stoned, what does JC have to say, they want to know. They were trying to tempt him so they could accuse him (of what, I don’t know), but Jesus acted as though he didn’t hear a word they’d uttered. He bent down and wrote on the ground. They continued to pester him and JC gave them one of everyone’s favorite lines in the whole bible (and one that even I can get behind), “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.” (I’ve always heard it as, Let he that is without sin cast the first stone, which has a more lyrical tone, but that’s just translation).

JC then bends to the ground and starts scribbling away again. Well, everyone that heard it from the eldest to the very last of them was convicted by their own conscience and went out one by one. Go JC! You show them what compassion means!

When Jesus stood up no one but the woman was around. He asked her where he accusers went and if no one had condemned her.

She says nope (and as an interesting side note, he refers to her as “Woman” which JC is wont to do, and she does actually refer back to him as “Man”… as in No man, nobody accused me… this being in answer to my earlier criticism about only women being referred to strictly by their gender). JC says that he also doesn’t condemn her but she should go and sin no more.

Jesus turns to whoever remains in the crowd and says that he’s the light of the world and whoever follows him won’t walk in darkness but will get the light of life.

The Pharisees (some of whom stuck around, I guess) retorted that JC bears witness of himself and that’s not a true record.

Jesus goes on again about how he knows where he comes from and so on. You guys have heard it before.

He then tells them that they judge the flesh, but he judges no man. Wait, last chapter you told us you were here to judge us mere mortals, this is like listening to a politician. Wait, here it comes… But, if he happens to judge, his judgment is true cause is papa is backing him up.

Also, it’s written in your own law Pharisees that the testimony of two men is true. And further more JC bears witness of himself and his daddy bears him witness.

They asked where his daddy was, if he’s so great.

JC tells them that they don’t know him or his dad, if they knew one then they’d surely know the other.

He told them all this in the treasury and taught in the temple. No one laid a hand on him though because his time had not yet come. He taunts them by saying that he’s going to go away and they’ll look for him, but they won’t be able to find him because they can’t go where he’s going. (Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it all before).

The Jews asked themselves he might be talking about killing himself (which he kind of does since he goes willing to his own death… although I don’t think it technically counts).

He says that they’re from beneath and he’s from above. They’re from this world and he’s not. He tells them that they’ll die in their sins because they don’t believe in him.

And they ask (incredulously, I imagine), who ARE you?

JC replies that he is who he’s been saying, son of god and all that. He tells them that he has lots of things to say and to judge them for (I thought he judged no man), he repeats how his dad sent him and that’s the truth. He continues on saying that when they’ve lifted up the son of man then they’ll know that he is who he said. He’ll do nothing himself, he’ll only teach what he learned from his daddy. And p.s. his dad hasn’t left him alone so he always does things that make him happy.

A lot of the folks around believed, so he turned his attention to those folks. If they continue to follow what he preaches then they were excellent disciples. They’ll know the truth and the truth shall make them free. (Another excellent biblical quote, “the truth shall make you free”).

They don’t love this line the way I do, they’re more confused by it. They are after all Abraham’s children and have never been in bondage to any man (hold up… what? Jews have never been in bondage? That’s not the Old Testament I’m familiar with). Anyway, they wonder how they can be set free when they feel like they’re already free.

Jesus tells them that sinners are the servants of sin. Further the servant can’t live in the house forever, but you know who can? That’s right, the son! (Not in modern times pal, we like our kids to go make it on their own, not live in our houses forever… but different era, I guess). Therefore the son will make you free, you’ll be free indeed (that’s not my sarcasm, that’s the actual bible). JC tells them that he knows they’re Abraham’s seed but they’re also trying to kill him because they don’t believe his word. (I guess he’s turned his attention back to the non-believers… it’s so hard to know who JC is addressing).

He goes on about how he does what his Father does and they do what their dad’s do.

They’re like… ummm, okay. Abraham’s our father.

JC says that if Abraham was really their father they would do his works, but instead they try to kill him, even though he tell them the truth. That’s not like what Abraham would do. (I appreciate the point, but he seems to be denying a lineage he just confirmed a few lines ago). He continues that they do the deeds of their father. (I have no idea who their father is at this point, the devil?)

They say that they’re not born of fornication, they have only one Father God. (Yeah, I guess they’re just trying to use JC’s line right back at him, although I’m not sure how either party is really justifying that claim).

Jesus doesn’t like that (he likes being a spoiled only child, I’m willing to guess). He says that if God was really their father then they would definitely love him because his dad sent him! Then he gets a little whiney and asks why they can’t understand him? He guesses it’s because they can’t hear his word (I’m guessing this is the special word that is god and light and so on).

He tells them that their father is the devil (woo hoo, I got that one right earlier… at least, I think I did) and so these people will follow the devil’s lusts. The devil was a murderer from the beginning and he did not live in the truth because there was no truth with him. The devil is the father of lies!

Because JC is telling them the truth, well, that’s why they don’t believe it. (Flawless logic cult leader, flawless).

He asks which of them convinced him of sin? (I don’t think anyone even claimed that). Then he asks why they don’t believe the truth (well, duh, you just told us, because they’re all devil children).

He tells them that only those that are of God hear god’s word, so if you can’t hear them (or don’t believe them) then you must not be of god. (If I may re-phrase, don’t ask me for proof, either believe in me or perish)!

The Jews respond that they are pretty sure that they’re right when they say he’s a Samaritan and is possessed by a devil. (If he gave me a speech like the one he just gave them, I’d think the same thing. In fact, reading it, I’m right on board. This is by far the most disturbing gospel to me, and the least in keeping with the others. I wonder why the Council of Trent made sure to Canonize it with the rest?)

JC again says that he’s not of the devil but does honor for his dad and those that don’t believe dishonor him. He doesn’t seek his own glory. There is one that does seek and does judge (his dad, maybe?)

Just hit the repeat button for the millionth time as he goes on about those who believe get eternal life, etc…

The Jews think they’ve got him here. Hold up, they say, now we know you’re possessed because Abraham and the prophets are all dead and YOU SAID that if someone follows God then they’ll never taste death. Hah. Gotcha. Or so they think! They continue baiting him, asking if he is greater than Abraham and the prophets who he made himself.

JC again repeats that he doesn’t honor himself (methinks thou dost protest too much), only his daddy honors him, and that is the man these people say is their god, he reminds them.

They don’t know his dad, but he does! (We get it, quit bragging). Jesus says if he said he didn’t know his dad then he’d be a liar like them. He tells them that their father Abraham (oh, what? So the devil’s not their dad anymore?) was super glad to see Jesus day come.

Now the crowd is really annoyed. What are you talking about, you’re not even fifty and you’re saying you’ve seen Abraham?

Jesus says that before Abraham existed he was around (presumably not on Earth, but I guess you never know with this version of JC).

Well, that’s enough for the crowd, they’ve had enough of his braggardly double talk, so they started throwing stones at him! (Eep, I don’t think that was very nice, but I’ve had enough of this version of him, myself. I miss my JC from Mark, he was much more level headed. I think I might have judged him to harshly. I’ll re-evaluate when I go back to read these a second time).

JC hides and goes out of the temple going through the midst of them, but passing by.