Romans Chapter 7

Romans Chapter 7

Don’t you know brothers, those of you that know the law anyway, how the law controls a man as long as he lives? A woman who has a husband is bound to him by law as long as he lives, but if he dies then she is released from obligation (woo hoo! Holla, ladies!) So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she’ll be called an adulterous. However, if her husband is dead she doesn’t have to uphold that law, so she can marry another (sounds like a fair argument for murder).

Brothers, you also become dead to law by the body of Christ (what now?), that you should be married to another, even to him that has risen from the dead so we can bring fruit to God. (Errr, uh, even the dudes are supposed to marry JC after he’s dead? Or, we’re all supposed to marry someone other than JC?? Huh???) When we were in the flesh (oh, we’re the one’s who are dead in this case, I didn’t get that), sins that were condoned by the law worked in our members (members or our club, or are we talking about penises again?) to bring fruit which lead to death.

But, now we’re delivered from the law (oooo, wonderful), where we were held before by death. Now we should serve in a new spirit, and not listen to some old letters.

What should we say then? Is the law sin? (Uh, that’s pretty much what you just said, isn’t it?) God forbid. (Of course, God forbid, Paul’s favorite expression). He hasn’t known sin except by the law because he never new lust except for the fact that law says that Thou shalt not covet. (So, you didn’t know you were lusting, or you didn’t know it was wrong?)

But sin, used the commandment to enflame strong sexual desires in our friend Paul. You see, without the law, sin was dead. (Excuse me, it only occurred to you to be sexually attracted to someone when a law told you not to do it? Um, that’s some pretty flawed logic, and lacks an enormous amount of personal responsibility).

Once upon a time, Paul was alive without the law, but unfortunately the commandment (these are Moses holy commandments in case you’re not following), sin revived and Paul died. And the commandment, which was given to the living had actually brought him to death. For sin, using this commandment, deceived him and murdered him. (Wow, sin is one tricky bastard. I don’t know about you, but I’m having an intensely hard time following how the hell it managed it to do that).

(Here comes an explanation of sorts, I think). The law is holy, and don’t worry, despite all the bad things Paul has had to say about it so far, the commandment is holy, just, and good. (You could have fooled me).

So, did something that was good bring Paul to death? God forbid. But sin, that seems to be sin, worked death in him using something that was good. Sin using the commandment made it exceeding sinful.

How you may ask? (I know I’m asking). We know that law is spiritual, but Paul is carnal and sold under sin. (Is he a slave, who was he sold to? The devil?). Paul does stuff that he doesn’t allow, he doesn’t do things that he would allow, and he does do things that he hates. If then, he does things that he would not allow, then he consents that the law is good. (Whoa! What? That’s not how it works).

Now then, it is no more that he does it, but it’s sin doing it, living inside him. For he knows that in his flesh, no good thing lives, for he’s able to use his will, but he can’t perform anything good. (Wow, that must suck to be him and be completely evil. I’m glad that I like to do nice and good things.) For the good that he would agree with, he doesn’t do, but the evil which he wouldn’t agree with he does.

Now, in case you’re confused, it’s not really him that’s doing these things that he things are wrong, but rather the sin inside of him. Then, he finds a law that when he’s doing good, evil is present in him. Because, he delights in the law of God after the “inward man”. But, he sees another law in his members (king snake?), warring against the law of his mind and bringing him into captivity to the law of sin, which resides in his members.

O wretched man that he is! Who will deliver him from this body of death? (Let me guess…)

Thank God for JC! So then, with his mind, he can serve the law of God, but with the flesh he can serve the law of sin.

Holy crap! Did that make no sense whatsoever? Did he seriously try to tell us that having laws is what drives you to sin? What is this, the anarchist Gospel?

Oh Paulie, Paulie, Paulie. You may be just as crazy as John. Man, can’t I ever get a half way sane disciple?

Oh well, at least any vestige that could possibly have remained in my soul of a belief in Christianity has been thoroughly purged by this book. In fact, it’s getting to the point where it’s starting to rub my non-christian flesh raw! What happened to the sweet understanding that David Plotz got out of the old testament. I just feel dirty and like I’ve been tricked by this awful religion for the last almost thirty two years of my life.