JC tells his disciples… another parable! Hey wait, is anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? Parables were actually a secret bible drinking game! I mean you have a shot every time JC tells a parable! Or in John where there are less probable, you drink every time JC talks about his relationship with his daddy! Wait a second let me poor myself a shot.
There was a certain rich man. And I’m going to pause again here, because you could have a separate drinking game for every time Luke mentions “a certain” anything. It is his biggest writing crutch. So there was a certain rich man, who had a steward. Hold on a second, I get a little chatty when I drink, and two shots without getting through the first sentence, well kids this is going to be a long post! Have you ever noticed that JC’s parables generally involve rich people with servants? I guess it makes sense because we are all supposed be gods servants but… I’d like to see a bit more directed towards interactions between the common man. So there was a certain rich man, with a steward who he accused of wasting his goods. He called him over and started yelling at him, telling him to give him the account of what happened to these goods or he will be steward not longer.
The steward didn’t know what so do, if he wasn’t a steward, he couldn’t dig, and he was ashamed to beg. Knowing his time as steward might be ending soon he decided to ingratiate himself into some of the other houses that the lord did business with. So he went out to the people who were in debt to the lord ad cancelled a lot of the debt. The guy who owed a hundred measures of oil, now owed fifty, the guy who owed a hundred measures of wheat now owed eighty.
And the lord commended the steward, because he had been smart, the children of this generation in this world are wiser than the children of the light.
So I’m telling you be friends with the greedy, and unrighteous, so when you fail they will have you in their homes forever. If you are faithful in the least, you’ll be faithful in a lot, and if you are unjust in the least you will be unjust in a lot.
Sheesh no sliding scale there, I mean I may do something unscrupulous like take the extra $20 that an ATM spits out at me and be happy as a clam. When that bank teller gave me an extra $25 I pointed out the mistake. I mean seriously it doesn’t have to be one way of another.
Therefore if you haven’t been faithful to the unrighteous greedy, who will entrust you with the true riches? Wait what? Why would being faithful to the unrighteous greedy be a good thing that would earn someone’s trust in you If you haven’t been faithful with another man’s stuff, who are you going trust with your stuff?
No servant can serve two masters, because he’ll hate one and love the other, or he’ll cling to one and despise the other. Tell that to anyone who’s ever had more than one person as a superior in their workplace. You can’t serve God and mammon the god of greed, still not capitalized as a dist to the god mammon.
The Pharisees were just jealous; they heard all of these things and mocked him.
And he told them, you justify yourself before man, but God knows your heart, because that which is prized by man is an abomination in God’s eyes. I wish they had been more specific about that. I mean it could refer to money and power, or family, all are prized by men. The law and the prophet were until John, since the kingdom of God is preached and every man pressed into it. Okay... not sure what that meant, too drunk to figure it out, it’s easier for heaven and earth to pass than one speck of the law to fail.
Whoever leaves his wife and maries another is committing adultery, and whoever marries the wife he left is committing adultery, which is really fair to wife who was left. Because bad enough her husband left her, but what she’s just supposed to sit around and be miserable because her husband is off sinning? Sorry sweetie, you better learn to be happy on your own, because you’ll never get to be with another unless your adulterous husband comes back to you.
There was a certain rich man, that’s shot number three for those playing along with the bible drinking game, hiccough, who was wearing purple and fine linen, and ate sumptuously ever day. And there was a certain beggar names Lazarus, but not Mary and Martha’s brother Lazarus, who lay at his gate full of sores. He just wanted the crumbs from the rich man’s table, (funny how he gets a name but the rich man doesn’t) moreover, the dogs came and licked his sores. Ewwwe. Dogs can be so gross sometimes!
Well as is his lot in life, Laz dies, but he gets carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also dies, death comes for us all, and he is buried. In hell, he lifts up his eyes while he’s being tormented, and sees Abraham far off holding Lazarus t his bosom. He cried out Father Abraham have mercy on me, send Lazarus so he can dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue. These flames are torturing me!
Abraham said, son, remember that you received a ton of good stuff in life, and Lazarus had evil things happen to him. But now he’s comforted and you are tormented! There is a great gulf between us, so we can’t come to you and you can’t come to us.
The rich guy says, please send Lazarus to my father’s house, I have five brethren, and if he talks to them, maybe they won’t end up in a hell like me. Ah that’s really nice of the rich guy. See he’s not all bad. Oh wait… I have a bad feeling about this, because clearly this guy loves his family and we all know how JC feels about that.
Abraham tells him, they have Moses and prophets to guide them.
The rich guy answers, no father Abraham, they would repent if you sent someone back from the grave.
Abraham tells him if they didn’t hear Moses and prophets, they won’t be persuaded by someone coming back from the dead. I would think JC would want to argue opposite that point as part of his big shtick is coming back from the dead to prove an immortal afterlife and all of that. It’s a big part of his proof that’s he’s God’s son.
Why does Laz come back from the dead in John's gospel, if God thought it was so stupid? Oh yeah, because John's gospel is full of crap.
ReplyDeleteI don't get the whole can't serve two master's thing? I mean, doesn't everyone really do that, especially if you work. You have to serve your boss at work, and outside of work you have to be faithful to yourself. And, isn't there a balance between those two things?
I think these biblical writers need to stop making such sweeping statements.