Ephesians Chapter 5

Ephesians Chapter 5

Act as children would to their father and follow god. Walk in love, just as JC loved us and gave himself to us as and offering and sacrifice to his papa like a sweetsmelling savour (ergh, yeah rotting corpse… delicious).

But don’t fornicate or be unclean (except for not washing your hands, I distinctly recall JC saying it was cool if you didn’t want to wash your hands), or be covetous. Act as the saints do.

Don’t give in to filthiness (unless you count not bathing, because that’s no big thing), or foolish talking (how can I determine if my talk is foolish or not, I wonder. I’ll assume that all of it is), or jesting (what? No jokes! Does that mean my asides are going to have to stop) because none of these things are convenient (I’m not sure that’s really the word he’s looking for. I find filth and foolishness and joking all very convenient. Oops…no more asides!). But rather, you should give thanks.

These things you know: no whoremonger, unclean person, covetous man (covetous women are okay, I guess… damn it! No more asides!), or idolaters will inherit the kingdom of JC and his papa.

Don’t let any man deceive you with vain words! God will punish all his little disobedient children with his wrath! So don’t get mixed up with these folks!

See, you all used to be bad and live in the darkness, but now you walk as little children in the light of good old god. The fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness and truth and therefore proves what is acceptable to the god. (struggling… not… to… comment…. Ergh… okay… moving… on).

Don’t have any friendship with works of darkness, but instead rebuke them! It is shameful even to speak of those things which of done in secret (uh oh, does Paul have some skeletons in his closet… damn it! Silence!).

All nasty little secrets will be brought into the light of day by god. He said, Awake those of you who are sleeping, and arise from the dead. My boy JC is going to give you light.

So, walk circumspectly, don’t be foolish, be wise. Redeem time, because the days are evil. But you are wise is you understand the will of the Lord. Don’t get drunk on wine, that’s excessive. Instead let yourself be filled with the Spirit.

Recite to yourselves psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. Always give thanks to God in the name of JC.

You should also submit yourselves to one another in the fear of God.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you would to God. (Erghhh… I think not my friends. I can’t even stand that any woman who even consider believing in a nonsensical people of trash like this! It is written by some idiot mortal guy who didn’t even know Jesus, and he’s telling your to treat your husband like god. Bullshit! I’m sorry. I call Bullshit! Ugh. Everytime I think this stupid book can’t make me any more angry it manages to do exactly that)! For the husband is head of the wife, just like JC is head of the Church and he is the savior of the body.

Therefore the church is subject to JC, so wives she be subject to their husbands in everything. (Oh, I see, it now makes perfect sense. Wait, why are we subjecting ourselves to someone else’s whims? Have we no minds of our own? Errrrrrrrrr, my blood is boiling. I honestly don’t know that I can make it through the next ten lines of this ridiculous chapter).

Husbands, you should love your wives, just like Christ loved the Church and gave himself to it, so he could sanctify if and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. So he could present to himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but it should be holy and without blemish.

Men out to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. (Oh well, as long as he loves me then I have no need to have a will of my own. Sigh. Faint. … Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr).

No man has hated his own flesh (excuse me, you must not get out much. I know plenty of people….), but he nourishes it and cherishes it, even as the Lord does with the Church.

We are members of his holy body, his own flesh, and even his bones. It’s because of this that a man should leave his father and mother and be joined with his wife and the two of them shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery, but I am authorized to speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you love his wife as himself, and wives, revere your husbands.

(No thanks! I’ll pass on all this bullshit. I prefer to have a nice equal relationship with my husband. Errrr. People listen to this junk? I mean, they actually believe it? I just find that so inconceivable).