Luke Chapter 14

Luke Chapter 14

JC went into the house of one of the chief Pharisees to eat bread on the Sabbath.  And they watched him.  A guy had the dropsy, which is some sort of swelling of the soft tissue,  that can eventually cause heart failure.   JC asked the lawyers if it was lawful to heal on the Sabbath, and I can tell you from having hear these stories a million times.  Yeah it’s unfair that there is a law against healing on the Sabbath.  No it’s not right, but it’s the law and you damn well know it by now.  Well the Pharisees, unlike me managed to hold their tongues.   JC asks them if your donkey or ox fell in a pit, would you wait until the Sabbath had ended to rescue them?  They really didn't have an answer to that.

So he told them a parable!  If you could only see me doing my happy dance!  A parable!  A parable!  We get another parable!  Let’s see if it’s one we’ve heard before! 

He noticed how they chose the chiefs rooms.  When you are inviting any man to wedding, don’t sit in the highest rooms.  They might be offered to a more honorable man.   He told you to come and said to  you, give this man this space, and you shamefully must  take the lowest rooms.   Instead go to the lowest rooms, then when the one who invited you, sees you, he might tell you to go up higher, then you will have worship with those who will dine with you.   Presumably a higher class of people than those in the lower rooms. 

Whoever exalts themselves will be debased and the humble will be exalted.  Then he told him, when you throw a dinner party, don’t invite your friends, brethren, kin, or rich neighbors or they will offer the same to you.  But when you throw a feast, call the poor, maimed, lame and blind.  Then you’ll be blessed because they can’t reciprocate.  You will be compensated in the resurrection of the just. 

You know I like the idea of helping the poor and the unfortunate, but I really don’t see why you can’t enjoy your family and friends too. 

JC  wants to tell us another parable.  Oh joy. 

A certain man made a feast invited a lot of people.  He sent his servant at supper time to tell everyone the food was ready to eat.   Well they all made excuses why they couldn’t come.  One had to see some land that he had bought, that couldn’t wait.  Another had to go test his new oxen that he bought.    Another one had just married and couldn’t come.

Well the servant came back to tell his lord these things, and the lord was pissed off.  He told the servant to go to the streets and invite the poor, maimed, the halt, which I think means lame or something, and the blind.   The servant tells the lord he did all of that, but there was still a lot of room.   The lord told the servant to got to highways and hedges, and invite them over.  

JC tell the folks, none of the men who were invited will taste my supper. Was it just me or did that sound a little dirty?   So JC tells the crowd with him, if any man loves has family, or even his own life, he can’t be my disciple.   And if you don’t bear your cross, you can’t be my disciple.

Who would build a tower without sitting down and seeing how much it will cost and whether he’d have a enough to funds to finish? If he laid down the foundation and couldn’t finish it, they would mock him saying this guy couldn’t finish his building! 

What king would start a war against another king, without sitting down and seeing if he could win the war with his ten thousand against the king with twenty thousand men?  Or else while the other king  is far away, he’ll sends a ambassador of peace. 

So whoever doesn’t forsake everything that he has can’t be my disciple.  Salt is good, but if it’s lost it’s flavor what will we use for seasoning?  It is neither fit for the land or the compost heap, but men throw it out.  If you have ears list to what I have said. 

I guess is nice that JC doesn't want you give up the good life to follow him, but he's not exactly comforting or consistent.  I mean he doesn't make it exactly clear whether you can make it into the happy circle if you don't give everything up and follow him.  So what you are damned if you are happy and have a family?  I don't know.  

John Chapter 13

John Chapter 13

Before the Passover feast, when JC know that it was just about time to get crucified, he had loved all his own in the world and would continue to do so until the end. After supper ended Judas was inspired by the devil to betray his friend JC. Jesus knew that his father had given all things to him and he know that he was from god, so that’s just who he went to talk to.

He rose from the dinner table and put aside his garments, clothing himself only in a towel. Then he poured water into a large bowl and began to wash his disciples feet and dry them with the very towel he was wearing (uh… kinky, no?). When he came to his friend Simon Peter, Pete asked if JC was going to wash his feet.

JC responded that Peter did not know what he did now, but he will know in the future.

Peter said that he would never let his bestest buddy wash his feet. But, JC said that if he didn’t allow him then he wasn’t a real friend.

So Petie said, well, then wash away good buddy: feet, hands, head, whatever you like!

Jesus told him that whoever he washed was every whit clean. Yeay, they’ll never have to bath again! But, he warned, not all of them were clean. Duhn duhn duuuuuuuuhhhhhhnnnnnnn! You see JC knew his betrayer.

He tells them that they call him Master and that’s good, because he is. Since he is their Master and washed their feet, they should also wash each other’s feet because he gave them a fine example. Afterall, the servant isn’t greater than the lord, neither is he greater than his pappy.

JC says that he knows who he has chosen, he’s not speaking to all of them, but so that the scripture can be fulfilled someone has lifted their heel against him. He’s telling them before it happens so that when it does they’ll believe in him.

He launches into his usual if you believe in me you believe in god and all that. After saying that JC was troubled and warned them that one of them would betray him.

The disciples could hardly believe it. One precious disciple was closes to Jesus and Jesus really loved him so Simon Peter told this unnamed man to ask who Jesus was talking about. (Okay, this is how we know that this gospel is nonsense, everyone knows Peter is JC’s best friend). Then this guy who was hugging Jesus at the time asked him who it was.

Jesus said that he would hand some dipped bread to the traitor and he gave it to Mr. Iscariot. Apparently after the food Satan entered into him (I thought we already learned that Satan had tempted Judas, and earlier didn’t they tell us he was a thief even without benefit of the devil, now it just sounds like Jesus purposefully possessed him with an evil spirit). Jesus says to Judas that he should do what he must, but quickly. (Okay, so according to this gospel JC definitely intended to possess this guy). Everyone at the table was confused (me too boys!).

Judas immediately went out into the night with a purse and the other guys thought JC told him to go get stuff for the feast or maybe to give some money to the poor.

But, JC relaxes, ahhhh, now the son of man is glorified and so it god. Boo yah! Then if god is glorified in him then god will also glorify him in himself and will right away glorify him. Woo hoo! That’s a whole lot of glory.

Little children, he calls his friends (and who doesn’t like to be belittled in such a way), I’m still with you for a bit. You’ll seek me later, and just like I told the Jews (p.s. you know Jews, like each and every one of the disciples were), but you can’t come where I’m going. But, he has a new commandment for them, they should love each other as he has loved them. (Awww, that’s super sweet!). All men will know that you’re my disciples by the intense love you have for one another, JC told them.

Peter asked where JC was heading off to. Jesus told him that where he was going Pete couldn’t go, at least, not yet. He’ll be able to follow after. (After, what? After after!).

Peter asked why he couldn’t follow him now because he would lay down his life for him.

JC said, oh really? Well, the cock will not crow three times before you deny me the same.

(Oops Petie, I’ve heard this story before… hate to tell you, but JC’s right)!

Luke Chapter 13

Luke Chapter 13

Some people told JC about how Pilate mingled the blood of the Galilaeans with their sacrifices.  JC asked them, suppose that those Galilaeans were big sinners, and were punished for them.  They weren’t  but if you don’t repent you’ll perish like them. 

Those eighteen people who were crushed by that tower that fell  in Siloam, do you think they were bigger sinners than all the folks in Jerusalem?  They weren't,  but if you don’t repent you’ll perish like them.

And now it’s time for a parable!  Not just a parable but a parable about a fig tree!  We all know how JC feels about fig trees. 

A certain man had a fig tree in his vineyard, he looked for some figs on the tree but didn’t find any.  So he went to the” dresser of vineyard” and told him. Over the last three years this tree has never produced any fruit.  Let’s cut it down.  Why burden the earth with this dumb tree.  So the dresser tells him, he’ll dig around it and fertilize it with some dung.  Let’s give it a year and if it doesn’t give us some figs we’ll cut it down.

Dude, I hear you, I am constantly threatening this Hydrangea that I gave my mom.  Seriously I think I got it in 2001 and it bloomed once.  The damn thing grows and flourishes, it’s gorgeous, a big monster of a plant, lush and lustrous.  But the damn thing never blooms!  I threaten to cut it down every year.  But I don’t cut it down, and guess what, the hydrangea for the first time in 10 years is forming blooms.   Well I guess it needed it’s tips protected in the winter, because it only blooms on the tips.

JC was teaching in a synagogue, on the Sabbath and there was a woman who had as pirit making her sick, she was bowed together, and couldn’t lift herself up.  JC calls to her and tells her she is loosened up.  And she stood straight up and glorified God.  And the ruler of the synagogue was pissed off, because JC was healing on the Sabbath again.   People should be healed during the other six days not the Sabbath!  Well the Lord answers this guy calling him a hypocrite, because he takes the donkeys and oxen to leads them to water on the Sabbath, so they don’t dehydrate.    Shouldn’t this woman, a daughter of Abraham, who Satan bound for eighteen years, be freed on the Sabbath.  Well, that shames them all and they rejoiced in the glorious things that he did.

What is the kingdom of God like?  It’s like a mustard seed that that a man planted in his garden and grew into a huge tree that birds live in.  I always thought mustard seeds made little bushes.  But I could be wrong.

JC went through the  cities and villages, teaching and heading to Jerusalem.  Someone asks him, Lord, are you going to save a few people?  JC told him to strive to enter at the strait gait for a lot of people will want to enter but not everyone will be able to enter.  When the master of the house has risen,  and shut the door.  You’ll knock at the door crying Lord, Lord, open up for us.  And he’ll say he doesn’t know who you are.  And you’ll say we’ve eaten and drank in you presence, you taught in our streets.  But he’ll tell you he doesn’t know who you are, and you evil doers should go.

There will be wailing and gnashing of teeth you see Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and all the prophets, in  the kingdom of God but you will be thrust out.   They’ll come from all directions and sit in the kingdom of God.  Behold, the first will be the last and the last will be the first.

Wow JC.  Did you just tell us that despite everything we are all screwed. 

The same day,  certain Pharisees came saying get out of here JC, because Herod will kill you!  That was nice of the Pharisees .  JC tells them, to go tell that fox, that I heal today and tomorrow, and on the third day I’ll be perfect! None the less, I must walk, today and tomorrow, and the next day.  A prophet can’t perish in Jerusalem. 

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem!  Who kills the prophets, and stone all the ones who are sent to you!  Wait I thought you just said that didn’t happen!    How often would I have gathered your children together , just like a mother hen and you would not.  Behold you’re house is left desolate and you won’t see me until you say, blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.

John Chapter 12

John Chapter 12

Six days before Passover JC wandered over to Bethany (you’ll recall the place where old Laz had been raised from the dead).

Mary and Martha cooked a fine supper for him, which Martha served and Laz joined them at the table. Mary took a pound of their very costly spikenard oil and anointed JC’s feet with her hair and the house filled with the scent of the spikenard.

Let’s pause right here for just a second… John clearly referred to this girl in Chapter 11 as the one who had previously anointed JC and all that. I was too lazy to go back and read because this is a story that is in all the gospels… but come on! Was there no editing at all back in the day??? I guess it’s like blogging today, you can just write whatever you want and publish it, amazing that over thousands of years no one would correct these little inconsistencies.

So, that’s one thing. Second, and you may have read my comment on Luke (which my sister is translating)… anointed with her hair??? So gross! Okay, the menial and low subservience absolutely makes my stomach churn, but it’s also just disgustingly unhygienic putting oil in your hair and rubbing someone’s dirty feet with it. JC must have a gross fetish of some kind. Ick! I'm completely offended that someone, who comes down to supposedly save humanity, would allows someone to debase themselves in that way.

Alright, I’m done, although I could say a lot more, but back to the story…

So, they’re all at dinner and she anoints his gross feet and Judas Iscariot (that dude who betrays JC in the future, in case you forgot) asks why the ointment wasn’t sold for three hundred pence and given to the poor. John tells us that this devil Judas didn’t really care about the poor because he was a thief and needed some money.

Jesus tells him to leave her alone because she’s anointing him for the day of his burial. Also the poor will always have Judas, but the world will not always have our friend JC.

A whole bunch of people heard that Jesus was in town so they came to see him and the man that he raised from the dead. The chief priests had been consulting with each other and were thinking that they might put Lazarus to death (I imagine they were thinking that it was the natural order of things and God’s plans shouldn’t be disturbed). Because the priests were talking about that and a lot of folks liked Lazarus and wanted to keep him around, they turned their beliefs to Jesus.

The next day a lot of people were coming to the feast and they heard that Jesus was going to come to Jerusalem. These people took branches of palm trees and went to meet him hailing him and making a big deal about his arrival. Jesus came in on a donkey that he had found as it had been prophesized that he would.

Jesus yells, “Fear not, daughter of Sion: behold, they King cometh, sitting on an ass’ colt.” As we learned from the other gospels, it’s important that JC comes on this donkey/colt because it fulfilled a prophesy that I can only assume comes from the old testament.

At first his disciples were confused but when they saw how excited everyone was they remembered that special prophesy. The people who were so excited came out to meet him because they’d heard all about his awesome miracles.

The Pharisees were super pissed and couldn’t believe that everyone was chasing after him like teenage girls at a Bieber concert.

There were even a few Greeks who had shown up to worship at the big feast. These guys came to Philip and asked to see JC. Phil was a little intimidated to mention it to Jesus so he grabbed his buddy Andy and they told him together.

Jesus said that it was finally his hour and he should certainly be glorified. (His humility rocks!) he says that when a corn of wheat falls to the ground it dies, but he will bring forth a whole mess of fruit when he dies! Anyone who loves life is going to lose it, anyone that hates life will get eternal life (uh, that sounds like you get to keep a miserable existence for all eternity… is that a prize?)

If anyone wants to serve JC he has to follow him and wherever he goes his servant should go… but don’t worry if you serve him then his daddy will honor you!

Suddenly, JC’s soul is troubled and asks what he should say? Dad, save me from this hour? But the problem is that the whole reason that he’s slumming it on earth is for this very moment, he thinks. Jesus looks to his dad again and this time he has him to glorify his name. A big old voice from heaven announces that he has glorified it already and will do so again.

Jesus looks at the crowd and tells them that the voice came not because of him but for their benefit. (Yeah right, you just asked him to say that). Now is the time of the judgment of the world and now the prince of the world will be cast out. (I guess JC is the prince). If he’s lifted up, he promises to draw all men to him. He said this, “signifying what death he should die”.

The gathered crowd is confused because they heard that Christ’s law was eternal so why does he have to be lifted up. Also, who is the son of man? (Sheesh, I can’t believe they haven’t figured that out yet!)

JC’s like, you only have a little light in you so you better walk in it while you have it because darkness is coming and if you walk in the darkness you won’t know where the heck you’re going. While you have this light you better believe in it so you can be children of the light (hopefully not as scary as Children of the Corn).

After that speech he left and hid himself from them. Even though he had performed so many miracles, they still wouldn’t believe him (more flies with honey than vinegar JC, I think an attitude adjustment would increase your followership). They folks just couldn’t bring themselves to believe the saying of Esaias was fulfilled. For some reason someone asks who has believed our report? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed? I don’t know if JC is saying that or Esaias, or someone else.

But the people just couldn’t believe. Esaias had said that their eyes were blinded and their hearts hardened so they could not see or understand with their hearts and thereby be converted. Esaias had wanted to heal them when he saw JC’s awesome glory and spoke of him.

Nevertheless even among the chief rulers some believed in Jesus, but they were afraid of the Pharisees and did not confess for fear of being kicked out of the synagogue. They loved the praise of men more than the praise of God.

Jesus yelled and told everyone (I thought he was hiding right now…) that anyone who believes in him doesn’t believe in him, but rather believes in god. Anyone who sees him actually sees god. He comes as a light into the world so all his believers don’t have to dwell in darkness. If anyone hears his words but does not believe, don’t worry, JC’s not going to judge (I would feel comforted but he seems to flip flop on this issue quite often). He tells everyone (even though we have no idea who he’s talking to) that he didn’t come to judge, he came to save. Anyone that rejects him and doesn’t listen to him has one judge and he’ll judge them all on the last day (hasn’t he told us that he and god are the same, so isn’t he just saying that he’ll judge them later, even though he just said he wasn’t going to judge????). He has never spoken for himself but only for his father who commanded him. He also knows that god’s commandment is life everlasting. Again, as a reminder, anything JC says is what his dad told him to.

Luke Chapter 12

Luke Chapter 12

So they gathered together a huge crowd.  I’m talking about a insane number of people, so many people that when they were walking they were stepping all over each other.   JC tells them to beware of Pharisees hypocrisy.  Anything that’s hidden will be revealed.  Don’t be afraid of those whose only skill is killing people.   Yikes those people seem scary!  I’m afraid of people who kill people.   You know who you should be afraid of?  Fear the one who kills and can cast you into hell!  Yikes!  I’m afraid of them too.  

Five sparrows are sold for two farthings, and they are not forgotten before God.  Um… okay.  Even though the hairs on your head are numbered, don’t be afraid, because you are more valuable than many sparrows.   Thanks.

I’m telling you, whoever confesses to me, then I’ll confess to God in front of all of the angels.  But if you deny me, I’ll deny you in front of God and all the angels.  If you blaspheme against me, you’ll be forgiven but if you EVER BLASPHEME AGAINST THE HOLY GHOST YOU WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN!  Damn it, I’ll never be forgiven.

When they bring you into the synagogues and the people in charge ask you questions.  Don’t even think about what you will say.  The Holy Ghost will teach you right in that hour what you should say. 

On of the people asked JC to speak to his brother about sharing his inheritance with him.  JC asked him “Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you?”  But he warned him to beware of coveting the things his brother had.  And then, oh joy he told him a parable!

A rich guy had some really fertile ground.  This was problem because he grew so much food that he didn’t have enough room to store it.   He decided to tear down his barn and build a bigger barn to store the fruit.  I’ll tell my soul that is has enough food and stuff to take it easy and eat drink and be merry.    But God told him he was foolish, that if God took his soul that night, who would benefit from his barn full of fruit.  I dunno JC I’m pretty sure you all had wills and last wishes even back in the day.  Systems of inheritance, laws and whatnot.  So he told his disciples don’t take any though you’re your life.  Don’t think about what you each, or what you wear.   Life is more that food and clothes. 

Look at the ravens, they neither so nor reap, they don’[t have barns, and God feeds them.  Are you better than the birds.  Who thinks they can add a cubit to their stature?  If you can do the least, what will you think of the harder stuff.

The lilies neither toil or spin, but even Solomon in all of his glory wasn’t as majestic and awesome as them.  If God dressed the grass, which is in the field today but in the oven tomorrow, how will he cloth you, ye of little faith. 

Again, don’t  seek what you eat or drink, have no doubt.   Everybody looks for these things, and your Father (God, everything capitalized is God) know that you need these things.   If you seek the kingdom of God, you will have these things. 

Fear not little flock, God is happy to give you the kingdom.  Sell everything give the profits away and provide yourselves bage which don’t get old, a treasure that doesn’t fail, where no thief approached and without moth damage.  I guess a good sturdy bag.  Your heart will be where the treasure is.  Let your loins be girded, I think that means wear a belt,  and keep your lights burning.

You are alike men who wait for their lord, when he returns from the wedding and comes knocking.  You might open the door immediately.  Blessed are the watchful servants, He will put his own belt on and make the sit down for a meal and serve them.   Especially if he the servants are ready all the time. 

I want you all to know this, if the goodman of the house had known when the thief would com, he would have prevented the burglary. So be ready for the Son of man will surprise you with his visit.  Dude, stop playing with us, you have told us you are the Son of man, just tell us when you are coming.

Peter  asked him, Lord did you tell this parable to all of us, even us. 

The Lord asked, who is the faithful and wise steward,  who his lord will make the ruler of house and give his portion of meat.  Blessed is that servant.  He will make him ruler over all that he has.

But if that servant decide to beat the other servants, and get drunk and eat everything while the lord is gone, if the lord catches him  he will cut him asunder, and treat him like the rest of the unbeliever.  If that servant didn’t prepare then he will be beaten with stripes. But if didn’t know and did the things that were worthy of strops, they will be beaten with stripes.   Because if you are given a lot, then a lot will be expected of, and the committed ones, even more will be asked of them.

I have come to set fire to the earth, and what if the fire is aready kindled?  “ But I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how am I straitened till it be accomplished!”   You think I’m here to bring you peace on earth, no, I’m here for division!  From now on there will be five in one house divide, three against to and two against three.   Everyone will be divided, father and son, mother and daughter, and mother and law and daughter in law.

When you see a cloud rise out of the west you say, there will be rain, and so it is.  When you see the south win blow you know there will be heat.  You hypocrites, you can see the signs in the ski but you don’t see these signs. You can’t even judge what’s right in yourselves.

When you go to with your advisory to the magistrate, be careful to be delivered from him, I tell you, you won’t depart until you’ve paid.

John Chapter 11

John Chapter 11

Lazarus of Bethany was sick. Incidentally Mary and her sister Martha were also from Bethany. Mary was the lovely lady who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair (gross! Also, has John told us that story yet??), she was also Laz’s sister. Well the girls when to JC and told him that a guy that they knew he loved was sick.

JC responds that “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby.” Uh, right… back atcha, or something.

But JC loved all the folks in the Mary clan including Martha and Lazarus. When he heard that old Laz was sick he stayed with them for two days. Then his disciples started to nag him about going into Judaea again. They said that Jews tried to stone him there, won’t he show his face again.

Jesus asked if there were not twelve hours in the day (twenty four by modern count and if you mean daylight hours, well that fluctuates according to the season, although possibly less so for them, I don’t think they’re too far off from the equator, but I could be wrong). If any man walks in the day he won’t stumble because he sees the light of the world (okay, he must mean daylight hours). But if a man walks at night he stumbles because he doesn’t have any light inside of him (I imagine he could carry a lantern, but I think this is supposed to be a metaphor).

Jesus then tells them that their friend Lazarus is sleeping but he’ll got and wake him.

The disciples tell him not to, arguing that he’ll probably feel better if he gets some rest.

The problem was JC was talking about death and thought he was actually talking about sleep. (You see this is the tricky thing about JC, sometimes he says what he means, but most of the time he does not!) In this case he chose to clarify, “Lazarus is dead.”

Jesus says that for the disciples sakes he is glad he was not there, because they might not have believed what is going to happen.

They all go with Jesus, for some reason Thomas also known as Didymus said, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.” Um, I know Laz was everyone’s friend and all but let’s not go crazy and throw ourselves on the pyre. Pull yourself together Didz!

When Jesus came back to the Mary, Martha and Lazarus house he found that poor Lazarus had already been in the grave four days (that’s funny, I thought he was still at their house, I must have missed that transition. Maybe he never actually went to their house because I’m a little unclear about why he wouldn’t have just healed the disease instead of letting him die.)

Bethany was about fifteen furlongs from Jerusalem (possibly where JC and his buds were despite what I told you earlier). Many of the Jews came from there to Martha and Mary to comfort them concerning the death of their brother.

When Martha heard JC was coming she went to meet him, leaving Mary in the house. Martha said to Jesus that if he had been there (so he was never there) he brother would not have died. But, she tells him, she knows that whatever he asks of god is granted to him.

JC tells her that her brother will rise again.

Martha’s like, yeah, I know, I’ve heard about the whole resurrection at the end of time. (Cold comfort, I imagine).

Jesus tells her that he is the resurrection and life and whoever believes even if he is dead will live. Also, he says that whoever lives and believes in him shall never die. He wants to know if Martha believes this.

She’s like, oh but of course, you’re the son of god and all. After telling him what he wanted to here she retrieves her sister letting her know that JC wants to see her. Well, Mary, being a fan, immediately sets out to meet him.

They met somewhere outside of town. The Jews that were the house with Mary followed her when she ran so hastily from the house. They assumed that she was going to the grave to weep.

When Mary got to Jesus she fell down at his feet and wept, saying, much as her sister had that Laz wouldn’t have died if JC had been around.

Jesus saw her weeping and all the weeping townsfolk with her and inwardly groaned (yup, no joke, the actual quote is “he groaned in the spirit and was troubled”). He asked where they had laid his friend, and they invited him to come and see the grave. Jesus wept (that’s sad, I’m sorry he lost his friend).

Some of the crowd asked if this man who had cured the blind could have cured poor Laz too. Jesus groaning to himself, came to the grave which was really a cave with a stone laying upon it. Jesus tells Martha to move the stone and makes a comment about the stench of the man who had been buried for four days.

After the stone was removed JC lifted his eyes and thanked his father for hearing him. He, of course, knows that his dad always hears him, but because of the people around him he mentioned it, just so they can believe who sent him.

Then he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth!

Lo and behold, the dead man walks! Lazarus came forth, but he was bound hand and foot with graveclothes and his face was covered with a napkin. Jesus told the people to loosen him and let him go.

Many of the people who had come with Mary saw this and finally believed in JC. Unfortunately for him, some were a little freaked out by a necromancer. They went to the Pharisees and told them what happened.

The chief priests and Pharisees gathered and wondered what to do because Jesus had been up to a lot of things that were very difficult to explain. They feared that if they left him alone then the Romans’ would come and take away their place and their nation because all men would believe in Jesus.

Caiaphas, who was the high priest that year told them that they knew nothing, nor did they consider what was expedient. One man could die for the people so that the whole nation would not perish. He didn’t talk about himself, (it seems obvious, but John felt the need to point it out to us), but he prophesied of JC’s imminent demise. He thought JC would just die for their nation, but for all the children of God that were scattered about.

From that day they tried to figure out a way to put Jesus to death. Jesus knew about this so he decided not to walk openly among the Jews. He then went to a country near the wilderness and into a city called Ephraim and continued with his disciples.

Passover was at hand and many went out of the country up to Jerusalem to purify themselves. They looked for JC and wondered whether or not he would come to the feast.

By then the chief priests and Pharisees had given a commandment that anyone who knew where JC was should tell them so they could take him.

Eep, things aren’t looking bright for JC, but I guess that’s what happens when you’re prophesied to die. Just think if the Pharisees weren’t out to get him, Christians souls wouldn’t be saved, right? That’s what they say, right?

Luke Chapter 11

Luke Chapter 11

One day while JC was praying in a certain place, when he stopped praying ones of his disciples asked him to teach them to pray as John the Baptist taught his disciples.    JC teaches them the lords prayer.

Our Father who is in heaven, your name is holy, you kingdom will come, your will shall be done, both in heaven and on earth.   Let us survive on the bread you give us, and forgive our sins, and we’ll forgive those  who owe us too.  And don’t lead us to be tempted, but deliver it from evil.   Well you guys know the lords prayer.  I suppose I should have given you the actual text so you could compare them. 

JC asked them a question.  Which of you will have a friend, and will go to him at midnight and ask him to lend you three loaves.  Because a friend of  mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to give him?   So the person inside answers, don’t bother me, my door is shut nd my children are in bed with me (Oh so that’s were they get those co-sleeping ideas) I can’t get up and give you bread.   I’m telling you, even though he won’t rise and give him bread, because he is his friend, and yet because of his annoyingly persistent soliciting he will rise and give as many as he needs. 

I’m telling you, ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives, who seeks finds, and who knocks, has it opened.

 If a son asks his father for bread will he give him a stone?  Or a fish will he give him a serpent?  Or an egg, will he give him a scorpion?  If you are evil and you know how to give good gifts to your children how much more will your heavenly father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?  I guess a lot. 

JC was casting out a devil, and it was dumb.  I think he means silent, not stupid.  When the devil was out, the person spoke and the people wondered.  Some of them wondered if Beelzebub, the chief of the devils gave him the power.  Others were looking for a sign from heaven. 

JC knew what they were thinking and gave them his line about a kingdom divided will be desolate, a house dived falls.  Sorry but diversity is the spice of life.  And  opposing view point can help people reach a state of enlightenment.  So as good as the line is, I’ll beg to differ.  Anyway, so if Satan is divided against himself how will his kingdom stand?

 I still think the devil could send out a minion who pretends to be good, banishes devils eventually creates a whole religion that spawns holy wars, reeks havoc in the world suppresses women, and basically takes a long term approach to doing the his evil.  I don’t see JC’s argument as particularly compelling. JC goes on, I have the finger of God to cast out devils, no doubt the kingdom of God has come. 

When a strong armed man protects his palace, his goods are in peace.  But when someone stronger than him comes and overtakes him, he’ll take all of his armor, and divide the spoils.

If you aren’t with me, you are against me, gather with me don’t scatter with me. 

When the unclean spirit has left a man, he walks through dry place seeking rest, and when he doesn’t find any, he says I’m going back to my home. I assume inside of th person he just left.  When he comes he finds it swept and clean and decorated.   Then he goes and takes seven other spirits even worse than he is, and dwell there too and the last state of the man is even worse than the first.

As he spoke these words a woman of the company called out to him “Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked”  Eww!  That’s a little unnecessarily graphic!  JC of course not thinking his mom was all that important in regards to his life answers, it’s more like blessed are the people who hear the word of God and keep it.  

When a whole lot of people were gathered, he told them, that they were an evil generation (people said that about my generation too, generation X) who seek a sign, but you won’t get a sign except the sign of Jonas the prophet. Jonas was a sign to Ninevites, and the Son of man will be a sign to this generation.  

The queen of the south will rise up in judgment with the men of this generation, and condemn them.  She came from far away to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and look someone greater than Solomon is here!  And modest too.

Back to the candle and bushel, listen ups people put your candles in candlesticks, so you can see the light.   The light of the body is in the eye, so when your eye is single, your whole body is filled with light.  But when your eye is evil, your body is evil too. Be careful that your light isn’t in darkness.  But wouldn’t your light shine in the darkness, even driving it back, possibly eliminating the darkness? If your whole body is full of light, without darkness, you will be full of light like a bright shining candle!

As he spoke, a certain Pharisee wanted to dine with him, so they sat down together to eat.  Well the Pharisee marveled that he didn’t wash before dinner.  I think washing up before dinner is a pretty good idea.  JC tell him, you Pharisees, clean the outside of the cup and platter but inside you are full of  greed and wackiness.  You fools, didn’t the one who made the outside make the inside too? I don’t know JC, if you are talking about a cup, maybe a cup maker made the outside but someone else made the wine inside.  But rather donate some of your stuff, and all things will be clean to you.  (Especially if you use some soap and hot water.)  

  

Woe to you Pharisees!  You tithe mint and rue and other herbs and pass over the judgment and love of God .  You have left the things you should have done undone.  You love the top seats in the synagogues and the greeting in the marketplace.   Woe to you scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites!  You are like hidden graves that men walk over because they don’t know they are there.  

One of the lawyers asked him, Master are you scolding us too?  Yes, woe to you lawyers!  You lead mean who carry grievous burdens, but you never even touch those burdens with you little fingers! Wor to you, who built the tombs of the prophets, and your fathers killed them!  You bear witness, you allow the deed of your fathers.  They killed them and you built the tombs. 

The wisdom of God said, I will send them prophets and apostles and some of them they will kill and persecute.  The blood of all of the prophets from the beginning of time will be on this generation.  Yikes!  From the blood of Able to Zacharias who died between the alter and the temple.  It will be required of this generation.  Woe to you lawyers, you have taken away the key of knowledge.  You didn’t enter and you bared the others from entering.

As JC said all of this the scribes and Pharisees began to urge him to talk more about other things.  They wanted him to say something, that they could catch him with, so they could accuse him of something.